Key events
Righto, Aaron Bower’s report is here…
…which means that’s it from me. Thanks all for your company and comments – sorry I couldn’t use them all – and peace out.
“I take my hat off to Franklyn Hyde,” returns Charles Antaki. “Anything John Renbourn did was ipso facto well beyond my clumsy fingers. I see that I’m going to have to spend another night trawling the Internet ether looking for the elusive McShee & co warble. Oh well – we can always have another listen to this in the meanwhile.”
What does a cyclist know about football?
We have to show some measure when criticising Newcastle because, as we said at the top, they lost Bruno Guimaraes, Sandro Tonali and Anthony Gordon in the summer. Good though Miley is, we can’t expect him to carry them, and the early loss of Gonzalez made a big difference to how the game went – though Leeds were already on top, they didn’t score until the 32nd minute. I’m sure Jaissle will persevere with Fernandez-Pardo against Hull at the weekend, but assuming Elanga is unfit, it’s probably time for him to trust Toure.
The Premier League table
Well fit, if you’re a Leeds fan.
FULL TIME: Leeds United 4-1 Newcastle United
A brilliant performance from Leeds, who were at Newcastle from the start, wrestle-stomping them into submission. They go third in the table; Newcastle are 12th.
90+4 min James has been lively since coming on and he veers across the pitch, past a man or two, before swinging into a rising shot which clears the bar by a foot or so.
90+3 min “I think everyone is getting confused here,” says Franklyn Hyde. Renbourn recorded a lovely version of To Be a Pilgrim solo. I know because I mastered it on guitar and have the arthritis to prove it.”
90+2 min Wilson bends the free-kick into the box from down the left and Muharemovic is up … but heads wide.
90+1 min Livramento bundles Aaronson over and is booked.
90 min We’ll have four additional minutes.
GOAL! Leeds United 4-1 Newcastle United (Toure 89)
A miskick from Ampadu allows Steur to find Livramento down the right, and though Toure slips controlling his low cross, he recovers to prod home a finish off Justin.
89 min James picks up possession in his own half, sticks the ball in behind Hall, and stomps on the gas. In the middle, Nmecha hurtles forwards, the cross is good, he launches on the stretch … but can’t quite reach it.
88 min Another change for Leeds, Longstaff on for Stach.
86 min “Terrific!” responds Charles Antaki. “Many thanks, Paul Milton. Much appreciated. But – hmm. Now I’m troubled. I still think that there’s a version by Jacqui McShee, much less shouty than the Maddy Prior version, with the likes of Ashey Hutchins, John Renbourn et al noodling away behind her in a mock-medieval setup, and all in glorious monochrome. Maybe for a 60s kids’ programme? Anyway, I see that Leeds are winning comfortably, so plenty of time to do a bit more research as the game peters out. Also I think they were wearing smocks and halberds and what have you, and perhaps even a wimple in McShee’s case.”
This sounds like a folksy version of one of my favourite pieces of joy:
84 min Under Howe, Newcastle were arguably the most physical side in the league. Now, though, they’re a little lightweight, and also lacking a bit of quality. Jaissle will have learnt plenty tonight, and I wonder if we soon see Bamba and Toure from the start.
83 min The excellent Bogle departs after a monstrous shift, Daniel James replacing him.
82 min Botman has an issue with his left leg, so is made to stand at the side to get it looked at, as per the new law.
82 min On which point, Wikipedia says:
Norman Mailer was passionate about thumb wrestling. Author and humorist Paul Davidson claims that his grandfather Bernard Davidson invented the thumb war in the 1940s.American copywriter Julian Koenig claimed to have invented thumb wrestling in 1936 as a boy at Camp Greylock.
80 min Newcastle send on Bamba for Miley, who goes and sits next to his kid brother on the bench. Some kind of thumb war is in order.
79 min Muharemovic advances, so Wissa trips him and does well to avoid a card.
78 min Leeds send on Nmecha for Calvert-Lewin; Bahoya remains at the side, still awaiting his first football in a Leeds shirt.
76 min Willocks ofts a ball in behind and Trafford scurries out then, not for the first time tonight, makes a mess when asked to use his feet, the ball sliding off his right … but he’s saved by a generously flourished offside flag.
75 min Thinking beyond tonight, Newcastle will need Fernandez-Pardo to settle and start scoring, because they don’t have anyone else they can rely on to find the net regularly. He’ll be the wiser for tonight, and will have to apply his learnings immediately.
73 min Changes for Leeds, Gudmudsson, Tanaka and Okafor replaced by Bard, Aaronson and Wilson.
72 min Miley’s long clip to the back stick is headed back by Livramento, who hooks back, then Wissa hooks goalwards, then Willock, from an acute angle, hooks on to the roof of the net.
70 min And they win a free-kick down the left, Hall clipping in … and Elvedi heading out for a throw. Newcastle have offered so little attacking threat.
70 min Newcastle are enjoying a bit of possession now, which at least means they can prevent things becoming immediately worse.
68 min “Charles might be slightly mistaken,” offers Paul Milton. “There is a lively folk rock version of To Be a Pilgrim but by Maddy Prior rather than Jacqui McShee. And it is readily available on YouTube.”
66 min “Never seen my brother walk around with such arrogant swagger before 6am,” says Chris Paraskevas. “Wonder what’s in the bin for brunch? That half-eaten kebab is looking like a potential highlight of the day at this point.”
What kind of monster tosses half a kebab? As ye sow…
64 min Willock into the box, and he pokes square for Barnes, who spins away from Muharemovic … who kicks the back of his heel. Barnes thinks that’s a penalty and so do I, but the officials adjudge to the contrary. I guess they’re saying there wasn’t enough contact, but I’m pretty sure there was sufficient.
63 min Leeds win a corner down the left, but Stach’s poor delivery is kicked away at the near post.
60 min Where will this end? Newcastle are deep in the brown, and with half an hour and probably a bit more to go, this could get worse before the blessed relief of the full-time whistle.
WHAT A GOAL! Leeds United 4-0 Newcastle United (Okafor 59)
Ampadu hurls long and the clearing header lands on Okafor’s left foot, left side, just outside the box. Hw swings, makes perfect connection with a half-volley, and sends the ball zipping into the far corner, in off the post. Leeds are absolutely flying!
59 min Leeds are going for more goals and have a throw deep inside the Newcastle half, left-hand side and Ampadu preparing to fling in…
57 min Changes for Newcastle, Murphy, Fernandez-Pardo and Dedic departing, with Willock, Livramento and Toure replacing them.
55 min Deep inside his own half, Hall passes straight to Stach. This should be 4-0 and most of the crowd think it is, but the finish actually ruffles the near-post side-netting from the outside.