By the 89th minute, powerless in the face of a second-half blitz which had completely overpowered his team, Diego Simeone finally sits down. Briefly, it should be said. Trudging back five yards from the touchline to the dug-out, eyes watering, the bombastic Atletico Madrid boss mutters all sorts of incomprehensible Spanish, drinks a sip of water and quickly leaps back up, wiping his face in disbelief. He never leans back on his seat.
This is not how it began against Arsenal on Tuesday night. Nor was it how it ended the last time Simeone was on English shores; last month, after conceding a last-minute winner at Anfield, Simeone confronted a group of goading Liverpool fans and had to be hauled back by security staff. Inevitably, he was sent off and received a one-game touchline ban in the Champions League.
So at the Emirates, fired up on adrenaline and dressed in his typical mafia-style all-black suit, the 55-year-old did not need an invitation to get involved. Of course, he rarely needs an invitation. You may suspect, however, that the first rule in not antagonising Diego Simeone is not cynically fouling Diego Simeone’s son. Myles Lewis-Skelly, guilty as charged.
Six minutes was all it took for a furious Simeone to launch his customary assault of berserk hand gestures. At first, its arms out wide in a state of shock; then it’s the imaginary yellow card, first waved at the referee 60 yards away before Simeone realises that his appeals are perhaps best served at unemotional Italian fourth official Matteo Marcenaro next to him.
Neither works. The Arsenal left-back receives a telling off. Perhaps he is fortunate that his upending of Giuliano Simeone is nothing more than a foul. Yet his dad, one very much to hold a grudge, is left stewing on this decision for several minutes, incandescently kicking the floor in disgust.
Yet in the battle of managerial gesticulations with Mikel Arteta – the Premier League’s gesticulator-in-chief – it is inevitably Simeone who is winning this battle. Such is his eagerness to be involved, he waves his arms vigorously with the ball at Jan Oblak’s feet moments later, instructing his goalkeeper to find left-back David Hancko.
Oblak punts long to the right. Simeone’s face of exasperation tells the story. He turns away, unable to comprehend that the Slovakian (focused on the ball, not on his manager) ignored his instructions. His stopper has ignored the conductor.
Throughout the rest of the first-half, a similar theme emerges: visible frustration at his team’s individual decisions, such as centre back Robin Le Normand’s choice to pass back to Oblak with yards of space in front of him. With his team out of possession, Simeone leans forward, hands on knees, like a wasp ready to sting. In possession, he is altogether calmer. What Simeone wasn’t to know, however, was the storm incoming.
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Of course, what Arsenal quickly realised after the interval is that the best way to silence Simeone’s touchline histrionics is to score four goals in 13 minutes. If only it were always that simple. Notably, the world’s best-paid manager (£25.9m-a-year, such is his value at Atletico) was helpless as the Gunners fired bullet after bullet in next-to-no time, taking a very winnable match away from Atletico Madrid. As his team meekly surrendered, Simeone’s pitchside theatrics faded.
“It is not down to bad luck, it is about mistakes, so they took their chances and all their big chances turned into goals,” Simeone said afterwards. Even he had no excuses ready-made to spiel.
“It is individual mistakes that affect the team, it is losing your man from a set-piece, for the third goal we were too weak and conceded a goal from that. They are small details that can turn a game.”
And so the forever-captivating madness and mayhem of Simeone departs north London with his tail between his legs. From the lack of hot water on Monday night in the changing rooms to a four-goal drubbing at the hands of Arteta’s rampant side, he’d be forgiven for thinking he won’t want to return to Blighty anytime soon.